how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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