I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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