I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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