Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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