um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize