Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
