After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
