In the future we'll all be gay
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
