the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
