Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The beers last night were like the tears from god
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
