Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
