I hate your face
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
