I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
