i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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