i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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