Cold hands, warm shart.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
