so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
nutella sex= disaster
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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