so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
