get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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