Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
