we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The air taste purple.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize