i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
