would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
