What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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