And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
third nipple confirmed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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