While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
