I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
