I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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