I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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