Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
