I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
