Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
