i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
