Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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