dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
