THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
