You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
