I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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