Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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