it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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