he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
