'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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