here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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