dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
