Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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