I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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