At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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