Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What a dumb baby whore.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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