I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
