He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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