Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
