you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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