it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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