you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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