i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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