took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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