So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
