Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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